Birth After Birth Trauma
A week before my second child was born, I was rubbing my bump thinking how excited I was to meet them but that - I had to give birth again. Something that went so unexpectedly different than I had anticipated. Something that sparked years of therapy to heal from. Something that I feared.
The second birth was a dream. Perfection. Exactly what I needed and better than I anticipated. But I didn’t get there without some hard work. Here are my tips for giving birth after birth trauma.
- Process your trauma before pregnancy. After Jaxon’s birth I thought I needed to have another baby quickly to sort of “redeem” the experience. I vocalized this at one of my therapy appointments and I was urged to wait. Every pregnancy is different, every birth is different, and there are no guarantees things would be better. I didn’t want to have the trauma of a previous birth overshadow the excitement of our new baby. I also completed multiple sessions of EMDR therapy and my therapist would not perform that intervention on pregnant women.
- Vocalize your Trauma. The first time I met with my new OB, he reviewed my operative report of Jaxon’s birth. It was hard to revisit that and I couldn’t hold back the tears. He was so empathetic, listened to me, and told Eric “this is what PTSD in birth is”. I felt heard, validated, and the morning I arrived at the hospital, my OB had gone the extra step to brief our surgical team about our prior experience. Had I not said anything, they would have never known.
- Go Over Birth Options. What did I miss the most for my first birth? Being awake. What was next? Meeting my baby for the first time almost two hours old who was fully swaddled with a cap and diaper on already. What can we do different this time? I wanted to be awake. I wanted immediate skin-to-skin. I wanted to see my baby fresh out of the womb. Know what isn’t possible - know the limits to people in the room, visitors, photographers, etc.
- Create A Birth Plan. And I say that loosely. Birth is unpredictable, but we had the overall plan of “Nov. 13 and 9 AM is our scheduled c section. If I go into labor beforehand, we’ll do a trial of labor and see how it goes.” My OB knew what I wanted in a c section and I told Eric what I wanted should I need to be put under again. Having a plan eased my anxieties. I also had a conversation with my OB of what exactly to expect that day and it really helped to have a game plan!
- Know that it will be different. Each birth is different. Each pregnancy is different. Each baby is different. What happened before will not happen again.
- Bonus: Keep the Sex of the Baby a Surprise! We wanted something huge to look forward to. A fun surprise that would fill the day with joy. I knew regardless of what birth I was having, that surprise would brighten the day and steal the show. And now we have our baby girl. <3
My heart goes out to all people struggling with birth trauma or Postpartum PTSD. It is hard, can feel isolating, and hard to understand. Work with your care team, speak up, and give yourself grace.
Megan
